Ever notice that some of the best lessons in life are learned under the most difficult circumstances? And how things you would not wish on your worse enemy you end up being grateful for? I know that I have. In fact, I’m even grateful for the day I almost died.
This is my story.
I’m in the ER. There are various machines hooked up to me. I’ve been here for most of the day while consultants try to decide what to do. They send me for several tests.
Eventually, they decide to let the cardiology team take the lead since I have just 10% heart function. All my other major organs are compromised but they deduce that if my heart stops the rest will not matter anyway.
This was my state for the past five months and why you haven’t heard from me in a while.
The story actually starts about two months before that.
I was all hyped up and ready to launch into the next level. My goal was to go international. I put everything in place.
Then the Universe decided that it was time for my next lesson.
Out of the blue, my body seemed to go haywire.
It started with a racing pulse and palpitations, sometimes even when I was sitting. Then I seemed to have food poisoning. I also developed a bad cough, tightness in the chest, and wheezing. It became difficult for me to breathe and I was tired all the time. I slept a lot. I ate very, very little. I couldn’t tolerate food.
I first went to a holistic doctor who diagnosed fluid in all my organs and major imbalance in my chakras. Me imbalanced?!
He put me on a regime that resulted in fluid pouring from two places on my lower legs. I couldn’t stand without little puddles forming. I became weaker and weaker.
I did something that has always been hard for me. I asked for help.
My younger son dropped what he was doing and came and stayed with me. My sisters, my elder son, and other close friends rallied around me.
But one day I was seized by excruciating pains. The kind that causes you to double over. No amount of EFT, Brainwave Entrainment, or Hypnosis helped.
But I was still the Warrior Queen and said that I would get over it. Mind over matter, right? Those of you who know my story know that I have been through three cancer adventures in the last fourteen years and got through them with grace and ease. No kidding. I was tired of doctors and the medications and all the side effects.
Then I lost consciousness.
I was taken in a hurry to the ER at Westshore Hospital where they tried to stabilise me but I absolutely refused to stay at the hospital. So, I was taken home.
Shortly after, the incident that I described at the beginning of this story happened. This time I was not in a position to argue.
After a week at the hospital, I returned home, so weak and frail that I had to be lifted and carried to the bathroom. There was little that I could do for myself.
But I was alive.
In addition to my physical state, I also experienced brain fog. However, as soon as the brain fog lifted a little, I asked myself – what is the lesson I’m supposed to learn this time?
For years, the Universe has been trying to teach me how to let go but this was a different level of letting go!
I let go of everything – even trying to will the outcome, which is what I had always done before. Everything – the retreat training, the podcasts, Toastmasters, the mentoring, the coaching.
The second big lesson was Acceptance. Maybe because I was rendered so helpless, I simply accepted the situation. I realised that I had no control so I accepted what was. That brought the most surprising calmness.
And what used to be the hardest of all for me, Accepting Help. Here again, I had little choice so I called for help. And the response was extraordinary. And caused my heart to burst open. I found that people were so glad to help. It actually made them happy to feel useful. And my gratitude was boundless.
Gratitude has been my major practice for positive living for many years.
But now every breath I took was cause for gratitude. I was brought to tears, in front of others, flooded with so much gratitude. Crying in public is something I very, very, seldom ever did.
I realise that the Universe is trying to nudge me in a different direction but I’m not sure what that is. I’m simply holding myself open for further insights.
Of one thing I’m sure. I want to use my experiences to help people overcome what seems like insurmountable challenges in their lives.
I would be very grateful if you would help me by suggesting ways in which I could do that.