At the end of Part 1 I spoke of how for years I swung wildly from forcing myself to do what I thought was expected of me and not wanting to do anything at all. Neither one felt good at all.

In fact, I was miserable. As time went by, my unhappiness grew worse and worse.

I tried all sorts of things to escape. This included spending Christmas with friends rather than with my family. I don’t have to tell you that this didn’t help my relationship with my family.

I tried distracting myself with music, liming, drinking. These brought temporary relief.

After a while, I realised that I had to get help to get past the distress.

Fortunately, I was introduced to Re-evaluation Counselling, where I could examine the underlying patterns and causes of my distress and release the pent – up emotions. One of the best parts of this is the support that I received from other co- counsellors. It was a huge relief to know that I was not alone in how I felt.

I also had individual therapy sessions.

One result of releasing some of the pent-up distress was that I could see more clearly that in the long term I needed to do a lot of work on understanding and growing myself…..

This has been my lifepath since.

In practical terms, as it relates to Christmas, I first had to work out what was really important to me. Which part of Christmas, if any, I wanted to keep.

What I decided to keep:

• The pastelle and cake making – in honour of my mother
• The prevailing feeling of kindness and joy
• The music – always a big deal for me
• Enjoying the messages from people I might not have heard from for a long time
• Choosing very carefully gifts for a very small group of those who mean a lot to me.
• Getting together with people whose company I really enjoy. Learning to say no to the rest.

What I decided to give up:

• The pressure to conform; the sense of obligation
• The frenzy around cooking, cleaning, decorating, etc.
• The crazy buying
• The pretence that this is about the birth of Christ
• The irrelevant stuff about snow, reindeer, sleigh rides etc. that have nothing to do with us in the tropics
• The overeating, over-drinking, and pressure to be “happy”

This was not easy for me to do. Because of the insidious power of the cultural beliefs and the pressure, trying to be different takes a lot of confidence and determination. I went one step at a time, over a long period of time.

Right now, I am almost at a place where I live from a place that truly resonates with my core values. Living from these values every day – not just at Christmas. Still some work to do but I’m getting there…

For those of you who have responded to my first post by asking what to do to get out of the madness, my suggestion is to go one step at a time. Give up the thing that you most hate doing. Stand your ground. Then move to the next thing when you feel comfortable enough. As I said it takes courage and determination to go against the popular culture. But when you stand up for what you know in your heart will make you happier you get such a sense of freedom!

And if you need support you can call me. As I said before, I offer you the gift of a session with me. Just contact me at cheryl@thinkittalkit.com so that we can arrange a day and time. All sessions are virtual so it doesn’t matter where you live.

I fully realise that it may not be possible to make the changes this year. My intention is to have you reflect as you are going through the season on what you want to keep and what you want to give up. Make a list as you go. Next year we will work on a step by step plan. Promise.

Be truly happy!