I spoke recently with a friend who is struggling with living with someone who has obvious challenges but who will not listen to advice or accept help.
She said something profound: “Over the years, I have come to accept that It Is What It Is. I do what I can; try to understand where he’s coming from; and let go the rest.”
Now I have spent most of my life trying to get to that place. Letting go and Acceptance.
Two things – I have been fiercely independent for most of my life. To achieve this, I had to have control of the key aspects of my life. The second thing is that I went passionately trying to change other people because it was so obvious to me that for their lives to be better they needed to change.
The second thing led to great unhappiness when people I was trying to change either wouldn’t; gave up after a while; or the effort was sabotaged by other people.
It was only when I was forced to give up all control myself that I began to understand the true meaning of Surrender.
Sitting helpless in my chair, the fiercely independent me had to be lifted to the toilet, bathed and dressed, put in a wheelchair, etc.
I began to understand that Surrender doesn’t mean giving Up. It means Letting go of control – Allowing.
Once again, it was brought sharply to my attention that we have no control over tomorrow.
The best choice was to live absolutely in the present and focus on the realisation that at this moment I was alive; and looked after. Once I let go of control I felt such a sense of ease and freedom that I was brought to tears of gratitude.
But old patterns die hard. Sometimes I catch myself going back to my old ways. Uggh…
The blessing is that I can catch myself and choose to act differently. I think I will be working on this for the rest of my life….
Beautifully written Cheryl. This topic resonates so much with me too. Letting go is work in progress. At times when it’s particularly difficult to ‘allow’, I take deep breaths and bring myself to awareness of the present moment. This usually does the trick 🙂
Thank you so much Giselle! It’s definitely a work in progress for me! 🥰
You are grappling with a profound concept – but I can’t let go passively so one way to make it easier is to actively let go by finding tasks to do that allow the surrender to happen. – so looking outside at the hills, the trees, the birds and listening to the sounds of nature and letting time pass in an active peaceful way
Thank you Margaret! Living in the present moment is a great idea! An excellent antidote for people like me who live mostly in their heads. 🥰
Hi Cheryl,
Your words of wisdom resonate specifically at this time during the global pandemic when we have no control.
Thank you for making us think deeply, catch ourselves, and choose to act differently before we act.
Thank you Elise! Stay safe and connected.
Wishing you peace and joy!
I am with you on that, and I now am ok with that. Instead of evaluating my progress, I am enjoying each time that I remember.
Thank you so much for your sharing! 🥰